Tortured Dolphins Fan: Cuban coffee and disappointment every Sunday
We talk to a 34-year-old physical therapist who knows the Dolphins aren't good for him, but can't quit them.
For last Sunday’s Tortured Dolphins Fan column, I wrote about the conflicting emotions of trading Tua Tagovailoa for Deshaun Watson. This week, I spoke to Chris Altieri, a 34-year-old physical therapist in Miami who has been rooting for the Dolphins all his life. While Altieri’s father saw the Perfect Season, Altieri has seen nothing but disappointment — except for on one rainy day in Los Angeles.
This is Altieri’s story. If you’d like to talk about your own tortured Dolphins fandom, direct message me on Twitter.
How did you become a Dolphins fan?
I was sitting watching the game on Sunday with my parents and I have to blame them. I looked at my dad and I blamed him for making me a Dolphins fan. I mean, born and raised here, Miami. I'm a tortured Miami sports fan in general. And my dad actually had season tickets to the ‘72 Dolphins and so that's the sport that he liked the most, and that's how I got into the Dolphins.
What’s your first terrible Dolphins memory?
Unfortunately, I don't really remember the Marino years, but the 2001 playoffs with Jay Fiedler. They went up to Oakland and just got smoked. I was so excited to watch the game. I remember we went to a family friend's house and we watched the game and it was just a complete blowout. And that was like the first time I remember feeling disappointed. You know, I was young, probably 14 or 13 years old, and then we just got blown out. I didn't know that that was going to be my future for the next 20 years of watching football. But that one didn't really hit me that hard. I was a kid, right? So whatever, just move on.
The biggest disappointment was in the Sparano era. We come off of the Pennington year, the Wildcat, and we're all excited. And I remember we opened up with two primetime games against the Jets and then the Colts, and they had this wolf saying — I don't remember exactly what it was — but the entire stadium is howling at the moon. We sound like a bunch of crazy people howling at the moon, and Ted Ginn just drops a ball right in front of me. We were holding the ball all game long, trying to beat Peyton Manning. Then, all of a sudden, we have the chance to win the game and [Pennington] drops it in right in front of Ted Ginn, our first-round pick, and he just drops the ball. Peyton Manning then takes the ball and scored a touchdown. We lose the game. It was just like, Really? We did everything right except that one catch.
What about your best Dolphins memory?
So we went to L.A. to go see the Rams and Dolphins play in the Coliseum. It was the last year that they were playing professional sports in the Coliseum, so I had mentioned to my wife how cool it would be and she actually surprised me with a birthday gift that we're going to L.A. She even called my boss, had me take the day off. I had no idea. Because the first thing I asked was, ‘How are we going to take Thursday and Friday off? It’s next week.’ So she had set all that up. We're sitting in L.A. where it never rains, and it's just pouring all day long. And we're losing and we're miserable. And my poor wife looks at me, she goes ‘Do we really have to stay here the rest of this game?’ I'm like, ‘Hold on. If we punt now, then we'll go.’ But then we score a touchdown. Then we're like, well if [the Rams] score here we'll leave, and they didn't, then they punted. We came back, we beat L.A. That's, unfortunately, the happiest moment I’ve had as a Dolphins fan. Because every other time I've gone away to see a game they lost. It was so great. We were walking down the streets cheering and it was just a great time.
Do you have any game-day rituals or routines? Any superstitions?
Man, this is gonna go public, huh?
Yeah.
I definitely do. I'm Cuban, so every single Sunday I start the morning with a Cuban coffee. I have my two Cuban coffee Dolphins cups, and I always put those on. I have a Dolphins helmet and I put it on the front table. I have a throw. I put everything up, I get everything ready, my wife comes in and shakes her head like the same stuff every single time. And then I get my Dolphins gear on. I have my shorts, my shirt, my hat. I'm always ready… and then just always so disappointed. At the end of the day, I’ll go I can’t believe this. My wife looks at me and she goes, ‘I don't understand why you can't believe this because it happens every single Sunday.’
It doesn't work.
She's like, ‘I don't know what's wrong with you. You got to give it up.’ I'm like, OK.
But you still do it.
I still do it.
So let's talk about this season. What's the worst part of this season so far?
Well, the worst part is just obviously the disappointment and how far off they were. Me and my friend Ryan got excited and my brother tried to get us to do a podcast. So we've been doing a podcast for fun for the last year-and-a-half and I must say that it's just too depressing to continue. We haven't recorded in three or four weeks because we just can't do it. But we should have seen it coming. All the holes we had last year are the holes this year, and the team has completely given up. It's Groundhog Day. Tony Sparano, three years. Philbin, three years. Gase, three years. And now Flores. Like, we get excited, we think we're going to make the step, but we just don't. That's the biggest disappointment. And how they're treating Tua, in my opinion. Whether you like him or don’t like him, there's no way that you could be a successful team with the way that you're treating your starting quarterback, your fifth-overall pick. It's 13 games in. Like, we waited seven years for Tannehill and now we can't wait 13 games for Tua? It's crazy.
What are your thoughts on all of the Deshaun Watson stuff? Would you want him at quarterback?
This team, Stephen Ross specifically, has done so much since Bullygate to make a good impression. Now I'm a physical therapist, so I don't understand how you can just bring someone into the facility and just send a memo that says don't let any female athletic trainers or masseuses work with this guy. You're bringing in a predator. I know it's only allegations or whatever. But, I mean, there are 22 [civil lawsuits]. Some shady things are going on. I just think with all the good momentum you've created since Bullygate, now to bring him in, it's just been a circus and that's how our season has gone. Is he a fantastic quarterback, top five? Yeah. But you know, the Panthers thing came out, the Blackhawks scandal is coming out. Whether you want to believe it or not, people get scarred from certain things. And to bring someone in that would bring that type of pain to people, I just… it's tough. The football part of me wants Deshaun Watson, but the person part of me thinks it's not the best idea. But how much worse can this season go? I don't know.
Would you raise your kids as Dolphins fans?
It's hard not to because I don't see myself not becoming a Dolphins fan at any point. The only thing I could see saving me is if Tua gets free somewhere else and he's great. But I'm going to try to pick the best quarterback — Patrick Mahomes, Justin Herbert — and just have my kid, whether it's a boy or girl, to like anybody else but the Dolphins.
Saving them from themselves.
Saving them from what I go through every Sunday.
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Fast, breezy, fun article…..and I’m not even a football fan. I loved your coverage of the Warriors and have checked in on your articles, blogs etc since you announced you were moving to Miami. You know how to write and I guess I’m fated to add Miami teams to my watch list.