Tortured Dolphins Fan: Just Crazy Enough to Get Your Hopes Up
Plus, we talk to a 22-year-old whose Dolphins fandom started with Ryan Tannehill and not knowing who Jason Taylor was.
You all called me crazy.
Last week I told you that the Dolphins have an outside chance of making the playoffs. I invited you to get on the spaceship to Planet Get Your Hopes Up.
And yet here I am, high as a kite enjoying a three-game win streak and a reason to care. And there you are, shivering boots planted firmly on the ground, too afraid to once again put your emotions on the line.
Well, here’s the thing: Miami’s three-game win streak is the third-longest in the NFL, behind only the Patriots and Chiefs. Both of those teams are considered Super Bowl contenders by the national media.
By the way, since I brought it up, I have a bone to pick with the national media.
Can we give it a rest with the fawning over Mac Jones while lambasting Tua Tagovailoa for not throwing deep?
I understand Jones is a Patriots quarterback and therefore interesting, but what irks me more than trying to find parking in South Beach is that so-called experts and pundits are praising New England for asking Jones to do less. Here’s The Ringer’s Kevin Clark, for instance:
“From a scheme standpoint, let’s start with the obvious: The Patriots are not asking Jones to do things he cannot do. NFL Network’s Daniel Jeremiah said the Patriots have him excelling in easy throws. Some franchises want their rookie quarterback to save the franchise; others are going to do a lot of the work for them.
But isn’t this also what the Dolphins are doing?
I don’t mean to praise the Fins for their handling of Tua. They don’t deserve that just yet. But acting like there’s a difference between what the Patriots and Dolphins are asking of their young quarterbacks is what we call in the industry playing the results.
Mac and Tua are really similar. Not just because both survived Nick Saban’s Alabama Factory of Championships and Body Bags, but also because both are known for accuracy and smart decision-making, even if neither throws the ball down the field all that much.
Check it. The average completed air yards for Jones is 5.3. Tua is at 5.5. Jones is completing 70% of his passes to a competent receiving group tied for the fewest drops in the league while Tua is completing 68% of his passes to a group of butter-fingered bozos who are third in the league in drops.
The real difference between the two quarterbacks are the players they play with. New England’s offensive line, receivers and running game make it so Jones can manage the game while Tua is busy getting his face rubbed into the Hard Rock Stadium soil.
But, hey, it hasn’t mattered over the last few weeks.
The Dolphins beat the Texans 17-9.
Then took down the Ravens, 22-10.
Then handled the Jets, 24-17.
This afternoon, the Panthers.
I know what you’re thinking. The Panthers are 5-6 and have Cam Newton again. Cam Newton is a big name, and big names are scary. That the Panthers are better than the Texans and the Jets, and the Dolphins won those games by the skin of their flippers. Unlike the Texans and Jets, who wake up every day hoping they had been in a coma only to find that the season is over, the Panthers still have something to play for. They are just a game out of the wild-card spot and Cam has given the fans a 10-gallon hat of hope.
Earth to Charlotte.
Cam can’t throw.
The Dolphins win their fourth straight.
And then what? Will you still think I’m crazy? Will you think I’m insane? Or will you finally ignore your better impulses and give into the playoff chase you so desperately want to believe in? Will you join me in setting ourselves up for disappointment yet again?
Just think, the Dolphins could be .500 by the time they face the Saints (quarterback questions) and Titans (finally falling off without Derrick Henry) before a season finale against the Patriots. Tua vs Mac. The Bama Bowl. Don’t you wanna care about that? Even though we know this high won’t last forever, isn’t feeling something better than feeling nothing at all?
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TDF Therapy: Who Even Is Jason Taylor?
This week for Tortured Dolphins Fan, we talk to Andy Romero, a 22-year-old electrical estimator in Hialeah who did a better job running the Dolphins in Madden than the Dolphins have in real life. If you’d like to talk about your own tortured Dolphins fandom, drop me an email or direct message me on Twitter.
How did you become a Dolphins fan?
My stepdad, I grew up with him and he’s a Miami sports fan so I did the same. I wasn’t really into football until I played Madden ‘12 and the first game I saw was the last game Jason Taylor played. Pretty sure it was January 1, 2012, because the first draft I saw was 2012 when we drafted Tannehill. So, yeah, that’s how I started my Dolphins fandom — drafting Ryan Tannehill. But I remember watching that game with [my stepdad] and I didn’t know who Jason Taylor was and they’re carrying him off the field and I’m like ‘Who is that guy?’ And [my stepdad] looked at me like I was the worst person in the world, like How do you not know who Jason Taylor is? So that’s how I started off. Then I fell in love with the draft, I love the offseason, love free agency. Been following the team ever since, man.
I think a lot of Dolphins fans look forward to the offseason.
I remember in 2015 when we got Ndamukong Suh, when we signed Brandon Albert [in 2014], we got Mike Wallace [in 2013], those were huge splashes. Back to back to back, biggest offseason signings, Dolphins Dolphins Dolphins. We look forward to that because there’s not a lot to look forward to in the season. It’s kind of anticlimactic. It just hasn’t really worked out. And for me, I look forward to the offseason because I love team building. I would play Madden franchise mode for hours in the summer and go 15 seasons deep. I really like that. It sucks that all those years we made big splashes I expected big things. Not even huge things. Like, for me, just making the playoffs was like Wow. I have this memory, in eighth grade, one of my friends told me the Dolphins sucked and I was like ‘We’re 4-3, baby!’ Like that’s something to celebrate. What the hell is wrong with me?
OK, franchise mode GM, what have the Dolphins done wrong from a team-building standpoint?
I don’t know how it’s so difficult to build a decent offensive line. I didn’t agree with the cut of Ereck Flowers. He was a solid piece for you. I understand you had anticipated that Solomon Kindley, Liam Eichenberg, Austin Jackson, Rob Hunt were going to take this next step but for the most part that hasn’t happened. And then you move people around who don’t need to be moved around. You keep playing Jesse Davis a right tackle. He's a guard.
What was the first gutting loss you remember?
I remember when my dad finally believed in Tannehill. We were 8-6, and then we lost to the Bills and Jets back-to-back. He had bought me a jersey and was like ‘Hey you finally have a quarterback, here you go.’ And then Tannehill shits the bed back-to-back weeks. And then I was just like, OK, I guess we’re not making the playoffs this year, either.
What about your best memory?
That Cameron Wake safety to win the game (against the Bengals in 2013). That was the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. Cameron Wake was my favorite player at the time, one of my favorite defenders that I've ever seen in my lifetime. And you won the game on a safety in overtime? That's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
So who are your favorite Dolphins players?
Cameron Wake, for sure. Reshad Jones, Jarvis Landry, Xavien Howard. And I’ve been on the Tua train since he came into the second half of that national championship game against Georgia. That was one thing I couldn’t believe happened. When you really want your team to get an elite prospect like that and it actually happens, wow. This is why these last nine weeks of trade rumors and Deshaun Watson just really sucks. You finally get the guy, you're not putting him in position to succeed and now he's showing you that he can succeed in bad situations.
Put on your franchise mode GM hat one more time. If you’re in control of the Dolphins this offseason, what are you doing?
I’m sending Jesse Davis to the shadow realm… or making him a backup guard. Gotta figure out what to do with Austin Jackson, gotta figure out if we can salvage him and Liam. You have to figure out the line. And you need an every-down running back. That’s definitely what I would do: O-line, running back, get this guy some protection.