Friday Donuts: Indisputable Rules for Sandwiches and Uniforms
Plus Sunday picks and a bottle of malbec.
Welcome to Friday Donuts! A pack of thoughts, notes and conversation starters delivered hot and ready in your inbox every Friday morning. In other words, the rambling thoughts of a man with a newsletter. Here. We. Go.
🍩 Thirty NBA teams this week revealed their “City Edition” jerseys. I’ll spare the details for those of you who know about them or don’t care but, basically, it’s just a basketball jersey. Some are good. Some are bad. But it got me thinking, what are some rules for a great alternative basketball jersey? I have thoughts. Here are the three indisputable rules for making a jersey:
The colors should be familiar: This is why alts such as the Raptors’ don’t work for me. The team’s colors are red and black. The jersey is black and gold. Yes, it has a large cartoon dinosaur on the front, so I’m not gonna get confused about which team it is, but the color scheme just doesn’t work. What do black and gold mean to the city of Toronto? Anything? Is this just an homage to Drake, whose OVO logo is often black and gold? Is that a good enough reason to dress 15 grown men in Drake’s colors? The answer is No. There’s room to depart from your core color scheme. Miami did it with the Vice jerseys with colors that are familiar to South Beach. The Magic’s jersey is ugly, but the orange at least connotes Orlando’s “Orange County.” Get the colors right, people. That’s rule No. 1.
Speaking of colors, at least pick some: A jersey should never be all black or all white, such as the case with Oklahoma City’s. Just screams indecision. Like, are there just too many colors for you to pick from that you panicked and opted for the absence of color altogether? You had months to figure this out, and this is the best you can do? Shame.
Do something/anything different: Looking at you New Orleans Pelicans. One of your main jerseys is white with the words “New Orleans” emblazoned on the front. After months of work, brainstorm sessions, mood boards and concepts, you revealed for your “City Edition” that same white jersey only abbreviated “New Orleans” to “NOLA.” Wow! Did it take your entire creative department to come up with that? Or is this a dog-ate-your-homework situation? Feels like when the NBA called asking for your final submission you just drew something on a napkin and handed it in. Same goes for Phoenix, Utah, Boston and the Lakers. You had a great opportunity for an additional revenue stream — at a time when it appears you could use it — and flushed it down the toilet.
🍩 National Sandwich Day… was this week!
Wes, do you have any thoughts on sandwiches?
I’m so glad you asked. Here are the three indisputable rules for making a sandwich:
It starts with the meat: Bad meat can ruin a sandwich. Ever had Jimmy John’s? Exactly. Anyway, not only does the meat have to be high-quality and fresh, it must be thinly sliced. There’s no excuse for my roast beef to look like it’s ready to be served to King Henry VIII, or for the turkey to be carved like it’s Thanksgiving. Ditto for ham, or whatever deli meat of your choosing. I wanna be able to see through each slice.
The bread: Bread can’t make a sandwich, but it can ruin it. Don’t settle for something cheap here, and please please please don’t use ciabatta. That’s not made for sandwiches.
Do you want it toasted? NO!! If you hit on all of the above, there is absolutely no reason to ever toast a sandwich unless the words “parm” or “melt” is in the name. There’s a special place in hell reserved for Quiznos and those rat things.
🍩 Sunday pick: Miami is somehow a 5 1/2-point favorite over the Texans. Watching this game and listening to the broadcast awkwardly tip-toe around Deshaun Watson with phrases such as “off-the-field issues” and “distractions” will be torture enough. If you feel compelled to put money on this game (and sports gambling is officially official now, with the Seminole’s Hard Rock Sportsbook app up and running) please get help.
🍩 What I’m drinking this week: It’s my pre-one year anniversary tonight, and my fiancé and I will be cracking open a bottle of Stag’s Leap Napa Valley Malbec. Cheers!
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